More Mad Maundering Thoughts, or, Please Someone Rip this Laptop from me Before You Are Overwhelmed with Pointless Posts

Although I went to bed at the ungodly hour of three last night, I didn't get to sleep until after four am. And I've never been the kind of person who can't sleep when they're troubled. I've always been able to eat, as well (like Charlotte that LM Montgomery quotes in Anne of the Island, who goes on cutting her bread and butter when her frenzied lover is carried past on a shutter). Thank goodness I haven't lost my appetite yet.

And yet I could not sleep last night. I kept on listening for Lydia, and between that and convinced that a ghost might choose this night to make an appearance, just when I have no one to lean on, I slept very poorly indeed. Then Lydia did wake up at 5:30 ish, and so she crying went into my bed, and between her and Elisheva, who had been woken up by Lydia that was the end of my sleeping (although I eventually got Lydia to go play in her room, and she went and only came back every few minutes, so I got cat naps in the middle). Finally at Eight Lydia dragged me out of bed, and I've been avoiding my life ever since.

Avram has always been the one to get up with the girls in the morning. Always (okay, I can think of exactly one time when I got up instead of him. What a great mother I am). Really, I suppose the next few days of blogging will be a testament of my marriage - of remembering not just the large, overarching reasons I married Avram (because I love him, because he's my best friend), but the small ones as well (there was no one to listen to my dreams this morning. And I have no one to tell all of my multifarious thoughts and reactions to blogs I read in the last two days. How am I expected to form an opinion without his input? And I transferred the money today from the Virginia account to the Ohio one. It'll take on Monday, but the big question is, what will take first, the bill or the deposit? I need Avram to answer these questions for me, if only in the theoretical.)

Avram always answers all my questions for me. He's my go-to guy. When I had officially broken up with him, and was awaiting a phone call from the other guy who I was planning to marry, and who hadn't called me for two days after planned for, Avram was the one I spent hours talking to about this. Although his heart was breaking, he reassured me that everything would be okay, that Dennis would call, etc etc, until I felt better. After I had completely and (seemingly) irrevocably broken Avram's heart and moved to Egypt, and then when Dennis asked for some more space, and for me to not talk about marriage all the time (what can I say, I'm obsessive and impatient), Avram was the one I emailed about this, needing his reassurence. Of course, this time he told me to stuff it four ways and feed it to a doozer, although for reasons forever unknown the email that he sent me and the one I received had the bitter paragraph magically excised from it. See, the Internet truly wanted us to be together. So although that time he didn't behave like my personal walking doormat man of dreams, the fact is that receiving his email telling me that I had picked Dennis and had better well suck it up and worry him with my problems STILL made me feel better - because it was good advice, from my best friend. (Err, yeah, and then a couple weeks later I decided to marry him, because I'm smart like that, and Avram took me back, because he's gracious like that and knew that he wanted to be with me more than his justified pride).

See, right about now in the meandering maunderings of my mind I would turn to Avram and say, so are you still happy that you got me? Do you still think I was worth it, even though I dirty all the dishes and like you to wash them and I'm in my PJs and if you were here I would have made you get up with Lydia at O' dark thirty even though you would have gone to bed at the same time as me? Is this what you imagined you were getting when you won me from all the competition? And Avram, because he loves me, will say yes, every time.

All in all I'm actually doing great this morning, considering how much sleep I did not get. Ahh, I remember the single days when I could stay up until all hours and then sleep in....but small children are some of the hardest taskmasters. Now I've reawoken the nostalgic sentimental part of myself, which was only dozing anyway, because I'm a highly romantic person (in the 19th century sense. Not in the "I plan and do romantic things for my husband" sense.)