Thursday, November 13, 2008

Hi-ho-hum. The Doldrums.

I've hit the Doldrums. The place in life where I'll be going along great, filled with purpose and meaning and accomplishing all sorts of creative/housekeeping tasks. Then suddenly I wake up one day, and I can't seem to get it together to wash the breakfast dishes, and I really aught to go to the library and return an overdue movie, and I'm mildly dissatisfied with all I do, and then I realize that soon passive voice will creep into my life because I am just a bump to be acted upon. And it's gray outside, and I'm gray in my heart. And I'm in the Doldrums.

No, nothing bad has actually happened to me. My house is clean (except the dirty breakfast dishes. And the number Lydia has done one this living room over the last two days of my doldrumness.) I just. I just... need something. Or feel like I need something, or someone. Maybe because it's November, and my favorite season is basically ended. Maybe because I thought I was going to babysit three days this week and I ended up babysitting none, and although I was glad to be home, I still got set off kilter. Maybe because I'm lame.

I want to write happy, up-beat posts, like about how my family doesn't eat cold cereal anymore (for over a month!), but instead has either oatmeal or homemade whole wheat muffins (with no oil) or another whole grain breakfast every morning. I want to post cute stories about Elisheva and her almost crawling and Lydia and her cute speeches that come out of nowhere, like her recent one about bees coming and killing animals and the animals died. I want... I want....

I think that's the problem; usually when I want things I end up thinking that it's someone else's responsibility to make me feel happy and fulfilled in life, instead of my own responsibility. Really I aught to just buck up and feed Lydia and I lunch and go to the library and pick up my living room and do my dishes. Then I should plan something creative to do, and then I should smile some more.

Hmm, it all sounds so active. It's easier to just be passive and lame and in the Doldrums.

And now we've come full circle back to the beginning. Read. Sigh. Repeat.


  1. Sigh. That happens to me. I just have to find a way to snap out of it. Sometimes I watch a jane austen movie that makes me want to sew. Or I look at things online that other people have sewn. Or I read things about housekeeping to trick myself into thinking I'm a totally awesome housekeeper who loves to clean all the time. Check out the cleaning category posts on this beautiful blog:
    That blog always gets me motivated to clean, as long as I actually get up (instead of reading the blog forever)! I guess the trick (for me) is to start off doing something lazy (watch a movie, read blogs) that soon motivates me into doing productive things.

  2. I MUST send you a TOBLERONE today! See if I'd sent the chocolate according to schedule you'd be flowing with endorphins!

    Love and prayers. Jami

  3. I totally hear you! I hate those. But they're much worse when the house is a mess or you're behind on laundry or something and you really have not motivation to do anything.

    (and sorry to nit pick, but I've seen someone mention it in comments so I just want to reiterate because it throws me off every time I read it. Ought. Ought.

    Aught= 0, none, nothing)

  4. OK, my question is whether you get the friend and read the story to Lydia about the bees in the birdhouse. Because that is what I thought of right off when you mentioned her story about the bees coming and killing animals. The end.