Weird Pregnancy Thoughts

This is a weird pregnant lady post, full of weird pregnant lady thoughts. If you read this blog for rational, well written posts, read no further. Don't worry, I don't plan to always post about my pregnancy/baby, because then I'd be like those moms that can only talk about their children; very boring.

Lydia when she was born weighed only 5lb 7oz, which is a full two pounds under the average. It turned out that I had some infection in my placenta with a long, unpronouncable name, and that's why she was small.

Fast forward two years, to now, where in England if your baby is under 5lb 8oz then you are considered high risk in you pregnancy, and they monitor you more, with extra ultrasounds and visits to specialists in the hospital. (When Avram found out about this, he told me I should have lied about Lydia's weight. Thus, when even my strait-laced husband is driven to sin, you can understand what a bother these visits are, when we have no car, and so getting to the hospital is quite a production). My normal midwife visits are wonderful; I walk to the surgery (local clinic) - about a 20 minute walk. There's no wait at all, my Midwife Marie acts as if there's all the time in the world (when she was scheduling my next app. at my last visit, she was concerned at how busy she would be that morning, with two other app.s scheduled in addition to mine - she usually has one app. per hour), she does everything herself, and loves Lydia being there. Really, about the dream neo-natel visits.

At the hospital there is a massive room absolutely full of pregnant women and their husbands/screaming children (not that I mind them being there; Avram and Lydia were both with me). We waited for over an hour, and when I was seen, it was for about five minutes, wherein basically I was told that I had to find out what infection I had had with Lydia, and then booked for another appointment in six weeks. Not the same experience at all. Of course, I don't blame them, or mind; I know that they can't really do anything until they know why Lydia was small before, and that the high risk clinic happens only on certain days, and so there would be a back-log of women. It's just that I like being at my local surgery better.

I dutifully sent off for my medical records, which arrived today. It turns out that my placenta had chorioamnionitis. I looked it up on the web, and was very sobered by what I found; that if they discover the infection in you earlier, they will immediately deliver the baby, that if your baby is infected with it, they can die. Also that this has been traced to cerebral palsy in the baby. I had no idea, mainly because I had never managed to remember the name long enough to look it up. Lydia was napping, and Avram was in class, and I just read this in shock, never having realized how much could have gone wrong with Lydia, that I never knew (as far as we know she wasn't infected at all). Regardless for how scary this all was, as far as I can tell chorioamnionitis isn't genetic, nor is there a specific cause for it, and I shouldn't be any more likely to get infected this pregnancy.

To me this means that they should let off on the extra visits and ultrasounds (these are also at the hospital), but I'm afraid that they won't view it the same at all. I really don't mind these, though, as long as they still allow me to have a home birth. Since the beginning of this pregnancy, when I viewed homebirths as a weird choice to make, I've really turned around, and am very excited to have my daughter at home. And as long as they've checked her size and whatnot recently, they'll know that I don't have chorioamnionitis, and so it shouldn't be an issue. But you never can tell with the medical community.

I've been reading about homebirths in the UK, and often the sort of women who have them are the sort that emphasize that the medical professionals can't force you to have your baby in a hospital, etc, etc. But I'm not really the kind of person to tick off all the people helping me have a baby. Also, being that I'm having her for free, I don't want to leave a bad taste in the mouth of the British NHS of arrogant, sponging Americans. Also, on this same website, I learned that some mothers like to keep the placenta. Kind of weird. Then I learned it's often because they like to eat it, that's right, EAT it. Ewwwww. Ewwww. Eww. It all seems ritualistically cannabalistic to me. On the other hand, maybe it's supposed to. I don't know. I feel very connected to the birth and Lydia, and it didn't take eating a pound of liver/haggis like stuff to get me there. So I take all of these crazy women and their demands with a grain of salt (which makes me think of the eating again...).

I like the idea of a home birth because on the NHS system, you share a room with three other women after the birth. Not my idea of fun. Also, we have no way to get to the hospital, and my labour with Lydia was short enough that I don't mind laboring at home, and then we wouldn't have to figure out rides there and home, and visiting, etc, etc. I am a little concerned with a home birth, because then what do you do while waiting for the baby to come? That sounds silly; labor, of course. But without all of the time taken up in getting to to hospital, settling in there, it just seems like the labor will feel longer. That's all very far away, and it drives Avram crazy when I focus and focus on something that I can't do much about anyway, remembering that when I was in labor I didn't do anything (from an outside perspective; I didn't talk, move, etc. Inside I felt very active). I know that I listed a lot of this before, but it helps me to think it all out, maybe it's weird pregnancy hormones that like it.

In a more focused time, the other day Avram was reading Little House on the Prairie to me while I knit, and he read the chapter when the Ingalls cross a river, and it rises midway through and Jack their dog who's swimming alongside gets lost. Laura that night asks if Jack went to heaven, and Pa says that he does. I began crying during this part, which is somewhat silly enough, but made much worse by the fact that I had read this book countless times, and knew, knew mind you, that Jack didn't drown, but in fact finds the family on the other side of the river in the next chapter. I felt very pregnant right then.

Thus ends my way to pregnant post.