Thursday, January 24, 2008

All about Avram

I wanted to write a post about Avram. I'm not always very good at telling Avram what I appreciate about it, or why he's so cool. Often we'll read/hear other wives talking about their husbands in such positive ways, and I wanted him to feel on the receiving end of that. A blog may seem a very randomly public way to do this, but really this is my journal (I haven't written in my real journal since I started this blog, so this is it). Also, then everyone around us can know how I feel about my husband.

My favorite thing about Avram is probably how he acts as a father. When we met and dated and got married, I never saw him around children, and although we knew we wanted a large family, and that we both loved children in theory, I had no real preparation for what kind of father he would be. I needn't have worried, though, because he is the best father I've ever observed up close. Now, for those married girls with children this isn't against your husbands at all; I think that the measurement of best isn't exclusive at all; every father can be the best. He's so patient with Lydia; much more patient than I am. Also, he loves to play with her. They rough-house on the bed most nights, and he colors with her a lot. Lydia actually loves to watch him color more than she even likes to color herself. She'll set him up coloring, and then supervise him while she plays around him. He gets up with her in the mornings, if I'm still groggy in bed, and gets her cereal with her. Also he's a wonderful dad because he loves to spend time with the family. I don't think I'll ever have to worry about Avram making our family a priority; he's very good about setting aside time apart from studying to play with Lydia, or talk with me (although we have a horrible habit of starting interesting conversations right when we go to bed, so we stay up for hours lying in bed talking past midnight, although for most of the evening any talking we did was all small talk).

Another thing that I love and appreciate about Avram is how he includes me in his academic life. I think it's easy to disassociate yourself from your husband's career. The funny thing is, I find myself doing it, and I even studied what he did in college! So I appreciate how he'll make sure and discuss matters from his major; not just personal concerns, which of course is good too, but he keeps me up to date on theories, etc. Like this Wednesday he went to a lecture on the medieval Kariaites (a Jewish sect) can teach us about biblical pronunciation, and came home and summarized it for me, including explaining the handout.

A third thing, which is especially relevant right now, is how hard he works to support us. Back in Provo he worked about 18 hours a week, while taking 18 credit hours (and getting As in every class; I can brag about his grades, which are way better than mine ever were), as well as applying to graduate schools, helping at home, being vice president in the SANE club (the club that was associated with his major, Ancient Near Eastern Studies), etc, etc. Here he's been looking for a job since we came, and didn't give up, although it was a very depressing search. Then today at long last he got a job! He got the data entry job for the Oxford University Press, and he'll work 12 hours a week at 6.50 British pounds an hour. For once the exchange rate is with us, because that equals out to 13 $ an hour. Additionally he's doing the work for his masters, and studying French and Greek on the side (I get to be his taskmaster, which I actually enjoy. I set his readings and lessons and quizzes. He's reading The Lion, the Witch and the Wardrobe in French, and is almost done with the second chapter; he reads about two pages a day. In Greek he's reviewing what he already learned two years ago, and then he'll finish learning the grammar by the end of the school year). This may sound like an odd way to support his family, but the better he is in school and languages now, the more prepared he'll be in Doctoral school, and to get a job as a professor when the time comes.

When I met Avram, he was always very considerate about helping clean up after Cooking Guild, which was held at my house every Friday. When I moved that year out of a house that hadn't been thoroughly cleaned this millennium, and then was sold and bought by a much more picky owner, so it had to be completely cleaned out, and I was the last of my roommates to move out, so a lot fell on me, he was one of the people who came over and helped me clear out the kitchen and clean it. After we married, I found out that he did all this, while secretly hating doing dishes, and so for most of our marriage he has cooked a lot, but not really done dishes. But since moving to England, Avram does dishes every day, as well as still cooking a lot. He loves to spice dishes, and is always sampling the spices of a sauce to see if the correct balance is reached. Also, since our New Year's goal of keeping the house continuously clean, instead of letting it get messy, then clean up a lot, and following that cycle forever, he's much better than me at doing the small pick-ups every night of Lydia's toys, or messes, which make such a big difference for keeping the house clean (we've actually done really well on this goal; I think because we're approaching it more as a different way of living in our house than just a nagging reminder).

Spiritually he's also taken charge of making sure we read the scriptures together every day. We had gotten out of the regular habit, and so read them in spurts and starts for much of last year, but mid-December we decided we need to not just read the scriptures most of the time, or some of the time, but every day, and since then he's gathered us together, usually at eight pm, to read. I love it when he does priesthood leadership like this in our home.

Finally I love how Avram loves me. From the time that we started dating, almost four years ago, I've always been the one in our relationship to have second thoughts or guesses, always measuring Avram up to an impossible non-existent idea of what husbands ought to be like, or what I felt I always "deserved" from a man/relationship. As most of you well know, he bore through this waffling through our entire dating and most of our engagement, but somehow still decided he wanted to marry someone who could barely make up their mind. Even since our marriage I've still had periods when I've wondered about every alternate reality and choice I could have made, but through all of my silliness, Avram has always been a firm pillar in our relationship, always loving me, always sure in us and our marriage. Although I'm sure I usually take this for granted, I really love how strong he is in his love for me, and his knowing that it's right for us to be together. I sometimes tease him, and ask if when he was fighting for a chance to marry me if he thought I would be like X once we were married, X usually standing for being lazy, or an impatient mother, etc, and he always tells me that he loves me, and lets me know that he wants to be married to the whole me, many faults and all, as much as he wanted to marry me back when he only saw the more exciting, positive sides of my personality.

I could go on, but I'm sure I'm already gagging some readers, so I won't. Summed up simply, I love you, Avram.


  1. How sweet. I love and appreciate Don for many of the same reasons so I can relate to the love you feel and experience. It is so good to be loved by a good man. I am grateful that you have been so blessed and me also.

  2. it was actually interesting to read more about your life in this aspect. i am glad that you are so happy in your mariage, and that he has been such a pillar if concitant love. I had no idea you were so wishy washy while you were engadged! I think its somewhat human to think of different ways your life could have gone, like reading one of those find your own adventure books where you pick where to go next, i always wish i could do that with my life and flip back and try a different rout just to see what was down that path.

    Anywho alwyas love reading what you write.

  3. Hooray for Avram and Congratulations on the job! A big accomplishment!