Today was one of those days that ended with me physically carrying a screaming Lydia to bed, without any stories, or songs. I had the audacity to get her off of playing Peggle when I had said I would. The Girls weren't horrible all day long, or anything - it just ended with me feeling emotionally drained from parenting.
I can see why people pick up abusive or unhealthy habits, because after the girls were in bed - and Lydia must have been really tired, because she only cried for thirty seconds or so - I just really wanted to take. Take, take, take, take. I was tired of giving all the time. Sometimes Motherhood rejuvenates me - often it does. I truly do love my vocation, and my days spent at home with my girls. But sometimes....sometimes after they're in bed (and Avram is gone on Wednesday's - at Scout activities), I just want to stop giving, and take without apology.
So, I had some peanut butter cocoa puff thingies, and read blogs without leaving a single comment. Yes, these are my abusive and unhealthy habits. But sometimes I realize this is one thing I like about the Internet - not that this is a positive aspect, necessarily. If I called someone, or wrote them, I'd have to come up with my side of the conversation, I'd have to think in semi-coherent sentences. But with reading blogs, even if I really ought to comment, I can just relax, and no one can demand anything of me, or even ask anything of me. I suppose this is the same reason people watch television to relax, or read novels. I find reading novels a very relaxing activity when I feel all given out, especially fluffy ones that I don't even have to think about. I do love the relationships that blogging has fostered in my life, and I certainly cannot, would not, only get on the Internet to passively partake of its various functions. But sometimes, I'm grateful I can.
Having had this out, and eaten the last of the cereal, I'm going to exit my little mental playground and actually accomplish activities that help me refill my emotional wells - scripture reading, book reading (I have to work on my New Year's Goal, after all), and such. Thanks for letting me take from you, Internet. I'll have to have more of this one-sided relationship again sometime.
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Peppermint Bark Fudge
5 days ago
Good job, Thora! Way to take, take, take! ;) I had to laugh at this one. So true! I love my children to pieces, but every now and then I find myself hiding in the master bathroom (with my bedroom door locked) with a good book to rejuvenate myself. Thank goodness for books! And the internet and peanut butter cocoa puff thingies.
ReplyDeleteYou go, girl!
ReplyDeleteGood old Internet. It doesn't mind how much you take, really. Here, have some more! it says. As long as you don't take too much, it's great (like spending hours reading blogs or finding recipes when the house is a mess and the toddler is begging for attention. Not that I would ever do that but I hear some women have done it before. . .)
ReplyDeleteDuring my pregnancy I was a lot like this. I ate a lot of sugared cereal, too, and did little communicating online. That's what I needed. For many months. So I know how you feel!
This is the standard way I use the internet. I'm a lurker. But ever since a teacher had us read Elder Ballard's Ensign article (July 2008?) about "joining the conversation" online and sharing the gospel with our friends, I've felt guilty about it and tried to leave more comments. I'm still pretty bad at it. But I feel good when I do comment.
ReplyDeletePeggle itself is a great little time-waster. My wife and I only ever got the free downloadable version, so every five minutes the game would kick us off right in the middle of a game. However, it saved our progress, so all we had to do was sign in again and we could play for another five minutes. I ended up beating every level and every available challenge while playing five minutes at a time.
ReplyDeletepookie you make me feel guilty. I have no problem with taking from the internet, or reveling in "my time".
ReplyDeleteI love your abusive and unhealthy habits. It's been far too long since I have indulged in a dose of Thora. I love you. And now I can't stop and it's past midnight. Ah, well. You are my unhealthy habit, I think.
ReplyDelete