An Apology Hijacked by a Written Aamiya Hater

I talked earlier about the holy trinity of topics not to be discussed in blogging; money stress, weight issues, and your "intimate" relationship. Actually I was lying about two of these. Conflict, one of the main driving forces of fiction, also drives true-life blogs (the other factor that keeps me reading is voice; also like good fiction). I find that blogs wherein the author has some sort of unresolved conflict/life developments/etc draw me in because I want to know what will happen next, and because they are real people I care more far than I do about fictional characters. For one thing, you can't pray for fictional people; and if you did, I don't think it would help their plights much.

Today I read Sue's blog about being overweight. See, I don't mind if she talks about it; she's funny, poignant, and most importantly not whiny. Same with Tracy about finances. Her husband is currently looking for a job, and so of course money is tight. I always check hoping I'll hear good news, and praying that soon they will hear good news.

What I meant was I don't like people who just aimlessly whine about these topics. Weight and money are awkward. Weight issues tend to feel shallow (although of course they're not, but writing in and of itself is already a two-dimensional medium, and so three-dimensional emotions and feelings tend to sound squished and flat in writing. I think that's why SOOOOO many people write *like this*!!!!! LOL {laughs derisively at the lack of grammar}. They're just trying to bring the spoken register of voice inflection into a written medium without transferring into known and accepted forms of emphasis and language structure. It's really just a written form of Aamiya, which is the spoken form of Arabic. It's so different from the written form, that the two are often indistinguishable as the same language. Our English "Aamiya" is quite obviously the same language, but it's vast differences are only highlighted when written down as if it were the appropriate register to write in.

But I digress from my pet peeve of blog writing (don't worry, if you write like this I still love you. I'm only half a linguistic Prescriptionist - one who says that to be correct English one must follow the rules. The other half of me is a wet and wild Descriptivist, that believes anything a native English speaker say is correct, because by the very act of creating it, you are speaking English, and so it can't be wrong. Just not in the dictionary {Until I see it in the dictionary, it's not correct, in my book - dictionary book, that is.} )

But now I'm really digressing. I can't help it, I've suddenly remembered I have a brain and intellectual opinions and vocabulary words like hermeneutical.

Ahem, I was saying that (see that ahem? That's me being all "spoken register" again. I told you I'm wild) weight issues tend to sound shallow, although they're not. Money issues on the other hand just sound stressed, understandably so. I once came across a blog where on the main page she talked about losing enough weight so that her thighs didn't brush together, and the last time she had been able to do it, her garden border little fence things, which they didn't buy enough of, but that's okay, because they accidentally saved some money, and that was a good thing, because money was tight, and her daughter's potty training, which wasn't going well, and they only had so much underwear for her daughter, because once again, money was tight but she'd only eaten such and such a dessert that day, so that was good.

It was somewhat an overwhelming blog of pity, in the altogether. I'm sure it was just a loss of written ability to garner sympathy, and that in person she comes across as a lot less tunnel-visionally minded on her three topics o' doom. But that was the basis for the first two of my holy trinity.

Except now I just realize it's all about how you talk about it. And not being whiny. Frustrated? Yes. Panicked? Sure. Unsure about the future? Of course. Whiny? Please stop talking. Unless you're particularly clever in your whinyness-then I'll keep reading you for the pleasure of the voice. As long as you have a grasp on grammar and the written register, that is.

P.S. I realize I come across sounding kind of jerky in this post. I really didn't mean to be. I was trying to mitigate my seeming jerkiness and lack of flexibility in life situations of the previous post. Because I'll love you even if you have no much but lots of weight. Really. I am a loving person. Who right about now wishes that she could use more of the spoken register to make this sound a little less flat. So mentally add some sincere inflection into this paragraph, please.

P.P.S. If you ever want to feel better about money, email and ask me what we made last year. I promise you it was less than you did. But we did it while living in England, so we still came out on top.