Ruminations

To finish one story arc, I miscarried on Tuesday. To finish another, I also finished working on Tuesday (and because of the miscarriage, it was one odd day, let me tell you). Just so everyone officially knows too much information about our life, Avram and I aren't planning to wait a while to get pregnant again, because I want Lydia and the hopeful next sibling to not be very far apart in age, and now they will at least be 24-25 months apart, if not a lot more. That's what bothers me about the miscarriage the most; all of that wasted time and effort, and nothing to show for it (except for a greater understanding of the plan of Salvation and the atonement and the Lord's timing, which, upon reading over, is actually quite a lot of things to show). But still no baby, which is what I want.
I thought I was having a boy last time, but now I want a girl next, because if we have a baby sometime from March through May, she'll be able to perfectly wear all of Lydia's clothing, which means we'll have that perfectly down. Perfect, yes?
Camilla came down yesterday and helped me pack, organize my packed boxes, and most endearing, did my dishes. Many people think the way to a woman's heart is to compliment her children. Although I do like it when people adore Lydia, the way to make me love you forever is to do my dishes. I don't know what this says about me; perhaps I have deficient motherhood genes. Or maybe even more deficient dish-washing genes, and so those ones win out.
Well, my ruminating writing has petered out for the morning, so I will sign off.